37 posts tagged “parenting”

I have tried my hardest to bring MLTU up right. Up until today I thought I'd done a fairly good job. After all, she appreciates good food and good music, she has a vivid imagination and she roots for the Yankees. 

So you can imagine that my heart broke in two after this transaction:

FAU: [Pausing MLTU's TV show] I have to check the weather to see when it might rain.

MLTU: But I want to watch Max and Ruby.

FAU: Just one second. [Seeing sports is on and realizing that weather is next] Look, we can watch baseball while we wait.

MLTU: Nooooo!  I hate baseball.

FAU: *Takes knife through the chest*

I actually could have lived with "I hate the Yankees" or "I love the Red Sox". It would have been sacrilege, but at least that's just team specific. But "I hate baseball"???? The whole sport??? And hate?? Not "I don't want to watch baseball, I want to watch Max and Ruby"???

No, "I hate baseball. The rebellion begins.

Em just had a birthday. Aunt C and I bought her a new iPod Nano as a gift while Aunt S and Em's Mom gave her a subscription to Audible (Em loves audio books).

So Em decided to give her old Shuffle to MLTU. The theory is that if MLTU has the Shuffle she can listen to kid’s music with her headphones while Em listens to books (or music).

Now, I am all for Em getting to listen to the things she wants to hear while avoiding Steve Miller Band or the Bob the Builder theme for the one thousandth time...but the thought of a three year old with an iPod freaks me out a little.

Maybe I am a Luddite after all.

Our friend Mama (who's married to Papa) was in town for a visit with their son, 3B.

Mama and Em went out onto the porch with DMTU, leaving MLTU and 3B inside to play. The mothers thought that their 3 year old angels were "playing music", but it turns out they were "cooking":

I am not sure what is more impressive: The fact that these two kids were able to open a cabinet, grab an appropriate sized tupperware, have the forethought to put on bibs, open the refrigerator, grab food, open containers and mix them together...

OR

The fact that they combined three things (yogurt, milk and jam) that actually might taste good together and actually had the consistency of "soup" (which is what they called it). Note that Em stopped them right before they were able to add olives.

We tried to get them to sample their concoction, but they passed.

The lesson: leave two kids alone in a not-so-child-proofed home and you never know what will happen. 

Without too much pain and suffering on all sides, MLTU is now potty trained. It took us about four solid weeks of bribes and coaching, but we had only a few accidents and not too many tears.

I credit Em with how smoothly this went. Three key decisions she made a long time ago pathed the way for success: changing MLTU's diaper in the bathroom once she was too old for the changing table (teaching her that the bathroom is where you do your businesss), dumping all #2's from the diaper into the toilet so MLTU got use to flushing (and to reduce the smell), and allowing MLTU to be fully or patially naked in the house during potty training (removing a barrier).

Unfortunatly for me MLTU has latched on to the nudity part, especially now that it is summer. She turned to me the other day and said "Daddy, can I get naked?" When I told her I didn't think she should her response was "but it's such a nice day". Oh, well in THAT case...

And once naked, MLTU will go to the bathroom outside as well as on the potty. At first I didn't have a problem with this. It's our yard, she can pee outside if she wants (many of her friends do the same). But now she has started "reading a magazine" in the yard as well. And she has decided she can get naked and pee in anyones yard (even friends who are not so like minded).

Of course all this freaks me out. A three year old girl who is willing to drop trow anytime and even strip at her brother's birthday party is not fun for a father like me to watch. Em is more liberal with these things and has declared that three is "the summer of naked" and that MLTU is just expressing herself.

Indeed.

Em does agree that the world is not MLTU's toilet bowl and we are setting limits on where and what she can evacuate. But it seems that I am going to have to get use to coming home from work to find my daughter running through the yard in her birthday suit. Oh the joys of parenting. 

In general, at a "kids party", where there is a large group or adults and a large group of kids, I prefer to hang out with the kids.

Why?

• There is no pressure for small talk
• The kids laugh more
• Did I mention no small talk?
• Everything is exciting when you hang out with the kids
• Being with adults generally is easier when either food or cocktails (or preferably both) are involved, at a "kids party" neither are readily available
  

Don't get me wrong, when Em and I hang out with one or two other couples, I have a great time commiserating with the adults. But in these situations I'm generally around my closer friends (and there is food and/or beer). At the last three birthday parties I have taken MLTU, I'd say that 70% of my time was spent hanging with the kids. Trust me, there is less pressure.

On a related note, MLTU had the COOLEST birthday party today. I'll post pictures later in the week.

Happy Birthday to my smart, beautiful, funny, bossy (in a good way) and sometime grumpy daughter.

How did I get so lucky to get such a great kid?

One last gushing parent thing that I want to commit to writing lest I forget it: almost every night when MLTU goes to bed, after I turn out the lights, the following transpires:

FAU: Good night MLTU, I love you.

MLTU: I love you too daddy.

FAU: Now close your eyes.

MLTU: Just a little bit.

Yeah, that's a great way to end the day. 

A Mistake brought this post on Gawker to my attention. The gist: a popular online forum (essentially a Yahoo Group) in Brooklyn called Park Slope Parents plans to begin charging $25 a year for access to its content.

And...BOOM!!! Outrage ensues.

OK, first some important background (forgive me if you know this): we lived in Park Slope when MLTU was born and I was (and still am) a member of Park Slope Parents.

I also feel compelled to say that this Gawker post reminds me why I don't read Gawker on a regular basis. Park Slope is an amazing neighborhood in Brooklyn. It is a great place to be a young couple and a wonderful place to raise a child in New York. The fact that it exists is a testament to a "re-urbanization" movement that the hipster jackasses of New York benefit from (look it up, 30 years ago the Slope almost ceased to exist).

Gawker likes to hate on Park Slope and especially loves to hate on the parents of the Slope (with snarky tags like "We Hate Your Kids"). Slope parents are labeled the Mommy Mafia and stroller brigade. Why? I am honestly not sure. Maybe it is the "Baby in Bars" phenomenon or maybe it is the crazy "boy's hat" meme that hit PSP three years ago. Or maybe they are just hipster assholes.

But the "yuppies" of Park Slope are generally highly committed to re-urbanization and avoid the 'burbs because they believe in the culture of city life. Yet most lack the money to live in Manhattan. And yes, they can get over the top (the hat meme was a little out of control, but we all know how memes can move online) however most are just trying to raise their kids, keep them safe and give them a good education. Sorry Gawker hipsters: a city would not work without families.

And lost in the snark is a decent point: the "outrage" over the fee is a little silly. The content on PSP is absolutely worth $25 a year. In the short time I actively used the site I found it full of great information that was extremely useful to a nervous, first time Dad.

Also lost is an interesting reflection on the "content wants to be free" theory vs. "people gots to get paid". Like I said, I would gladly pay for the content, but here's the thing: PSP content is partly user generated and it started as an online "community". If you just throw a switch and charge money, some people who contribute are going to get pissed. But there are no doubt a few people putting a ton of time and effort into this site, and yes they should be compensated for their work.

So what to do? How do you evolve an online community into a paid content model? Step one is be transparent: show a proposed budget. Or two budgets: "this is our minimum, but if we have $XX we can do all this". Then use the old public broadcasting model and ask for pledges of support. If those pledges don't get you to your budget, charge a fee. But at least everyone will know why you did this. There are 13,000 members of PSP. I half of them pledge $10 that is $65,000. Not a bad hunk of change to run a community website. 

Watch out kids because this type of dilemma is coming to sites like Facebook and Twitter faster than you think. People do not see these "communities" as businesses so charging for access and content may require some creative thinking.

Dear Levi:

You 15 minutes have officially expired.

Indeed, your latest interview on nationally syndicated television seems to be an improvement from your first interview on national television (shaving, taking off the baseball cap and getting out of your truck are HUGE improvements). But going on the Tyra Banks show to disccus intimate details of your relationship with the mother of your child is a big step back in the character department.

Look, I know you don't have good handlers and I know you have had a hard time holding a job. I realize there is not a ton going on up there in Wasilla (except for the drug trade). So it must be tempting to get on a plane, go into a TV studio and get paid (I assume) to dish about your sex life with an almost Second Daughter in front of a live studio audience. But this is really disrespectful to your ex-fiance and your child.

Think about it this way: would YOU like to see a video of your father talking about how often he used protection when he was sleeping with your mother? Just think about that one or one second. Creeped out? Yeah, I thought so. That will be your son's reaction in about 14 years.

So listen, the best thing you can do for yourself and all of us is realize that your 15 minutes are over and shut up already. There is a young woman out there trying to raise your son by herself. I get that the media attention is tempting and I suppose there is an odd exhibitionist desire to "tell your side". But Levi, its time to start acting like a man, show some respect and shut the hell up.

Yours,

FAU

Side note: not surprisingly, the Palin camp is officially "disappointed" in Levi's decision to go on the show. I bet Gov. Palin LOVES having this distraction as she contemplates the future of her political career.

What father doesn't want to hear this from their (almost) three year old daughter:

Daddy, I want to listen to The Steve Miller Band.

Yes, that's right, MLTU has gone right from her Beatles phase, through her "kid rock" phase (I have to say, as kid rock goes, Uncle Rock is excellent), past her Muppet phase, right into her 70s "classic rock" phase. She LOVES The Steve Miller Band. She dances to it and requests it more than once a day.

Now, I have considered the less than PG lyrics that I may need to explain to her one day, including "sit around the house, get high and watch the tube", "jungle love in the surf in the pouring rain, every thing's better when wet", "midnight toker", and the ever popular "really love your peaches want to shake your tree".

[Funny side note on that last one: Em thought it was "really love your beaches...". It took me a few minutes to explain the logic of the full lyric to her and convince her that yes, Steve Miller is a little dirty.]

While I didn't mind the "kid rock" I am happy that MLTU is starting to get into adult music, because she will have some of these inluences for the rest of her lie. So far her latest obcession seems to be issolated to 70s folk-ish rock (she rejected U2 today).

So I am just waiting for the day she asks me to play Framton Comes Alive! or screams "Free Bird" while I am driving.

Full disclosure: MLTU's other latest musical obcession is Regina Spektor, so go figure.

 

Dear Entertainment Professionals,

No doubt you serve an essential function in this world. You have given us parents access to hours of (relatively) low cost, (somewhat) educational materials that we can buy at just about any store and use over and over again to entertain our children (often with limited guilt).

But, if I may: can you please stop with the f-ing over-produced, overly complicated menus?

I am sure that many of you, especially in the production and design teams, are younger. Maybe you don't have kids yet. And maybe telling people that you produce kids DVDs is a real hit at parties (hell, I'd love a job like that). It must be a very cool job with a lot of interesting meetings. And, I bet that when you came up with that idea to have Bob the Builder talk at the kids for a minute before the menu comes up you (or your boss) thought "the kids will LOVE this".

Here's the thing, the kids really just want to see the episodes. They don't need to see the five trains on the Thomas DVD introduce themselves BEFORE we can even pick an episode to watch. And they don't need to see Bob go through the checklist of extras (games) BEFORE they can pick one to play. (I'm talking to you HiT Entertainment). And while including ads for other DVDs is fair game (this is America after all), surely you don't need me to sit there and skip through each one in order to get to the main menu (hey, Viacom/Noggin, just let me hit MENU).

An aside for the childless who read this: imagine if everytime you put in a DVD of your favorite film or TV show, the four main characters animated in and told you about the different menu choices leaving you with NO WAY TO SKIP THIS. It is maddening, espcially when said DVD may be (and often is) the ONE thing that a child wants RIGHT NOW. Do I really need cross promotion when faced with a temper tantrum?

In closing, I urge you to, I don't know, do a focus group with some parents and ask them if these over-produced DVD menus give them a positive or negative "brand expirience" with your products. Oh wait, I'll save you $40,000 in research fees: THEY HATE IT.

Thank you for your time.

Side note: Em bought Fraggle Rock DVD for MLTU today. I asked MLTU what the Fraggles looked like and she said "The Muppets". My kid rocks.